I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
