I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
