..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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