do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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