Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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