remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize