I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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