You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
