In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
