i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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