Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
