Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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