I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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