I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I need moral support for this bender
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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