i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
not ubering you a puppy
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
