btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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