I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
