this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
