Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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