I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
