1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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