I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
