I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
