i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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