so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
