Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
