I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
