Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
