Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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