Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
