dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
