i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
