So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
