I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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