I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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