My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
