I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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