If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
