Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
