Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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