I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize