They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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