why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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