Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
