Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
