Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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