Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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