I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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