I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
