How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
