Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
