i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've blown a few things in my day
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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