Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
