we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
