I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize