so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This is the high leading the old right now
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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