dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
