i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize