addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
