Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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