Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
