The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
