rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
