Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize