I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
