your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
