You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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