I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
