im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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