I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
