Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
