i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
