I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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