her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
