You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
