I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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