Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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