so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
